What happens at scuba stays at scuba

So I was two hours late for dinner today. I told Matt Haggard I had two different explanations as to why I was late for dinner. Here are the stories.

I was scuba diving at the Crater in Midway. Its about 40 min from Provo, a hot spring so although its not particularly deep (just about 60 ft), its warm enough to swim in without a wet suit. Well, the dive was just about over. I was the last one to climb out of the water when all of a something slimy latched onto my leg.

I look down in horror to discover a mutant zombie has clung to my flipper and is dragging me back into the water. I have only a brief moment to force my regulator back in as I drift down, down, down...

I'm surrounded by the zombies. They make me think of zombies on gillyweed with their webbed arms and legs... well, for those that still have all for limbs. I wriggle and writhe as they drag me deeper down. With a spot of luck I notice a glimmer across the pool. A mermaid! Her purple hair swirls about her as she does loop-da-loops, somehow invisible to the monsters in the pool.

Being fluent in porpoise among other things, I cry out a plea of help. She seems rather confused at first so I try a different language, beluga whale to be precise. She nods and begins to sing like a siren. The zombies pause a moment then start charging the mermaid. She vanishes without a trace and a second later a pirate boat teleports into the crater.

The ship is rather impressive although my views are a little biased. It might have been the billowing fog wafting by or my astonishment that it had gotten there at all. Well, in either case the zombies begin to charge the ship. I'm still struggling to escape my captors, especially since I'm afraid the pirates will whip out their cannons.

The pirates don't whip out the cannons. With a yo-ho-ho they whip out something far more potent, Shark-Repelent Bat Spray. Everyone whose anyone knows this is also effective on Mutant zombies as well as lochness monsters and extra terrestrials. As the spray permeates the pool, the zombies errupt into bubbles and the whole pool seems like a jacuzzi. A thick hand reaches down and lifts me out of the water. I'm face to face with the dread pirate Roberts. In a split second he has me wrapped in a polarbear fur and drinking hot cider with the crew. We had such a jolly time beneath the Jolly Roger that I plum forgot to come to dinner until an hour later.

Explanation 2: Got lost on the way back home. Took a wrong turn and ended up by the Strawberry River (I didn't even get any strawberries! Terrible). With the help of a police officer I managed to get back two hours late for dinner.