Laughter

Recently I've had some really good laughs with women I'd consider only casual acquaintances. Not cute, quaint, light laughter but hearty, I can't stop laughing to the point that it could be an abdominal work out sort of laughter. I think I should consider marketing it. If I could come up with a comedy routine designed to make people laugh a good solid hour every day, they'd have rock hard abs and lots of endorphins in their system... it would be golden. Endorphins, from exercise and just in general being happy, are addictive too so people would start and get hooked. Obviously you'd have to come up with a variety of jokes or people wouldn't be willing to invest in the program. I guess there might be only a select market amused by my comments to make Ciel blue swim suits and feather boas the new laboratory attire, me singing "Now that I'm a Woman" from the Last Unicorn on the top of my lungs, making the "irresistible face", playing the game "Hip Hop Like Angie"... Maybe I should leave it to the pros. Instead of getting a membership to a gym I should consider getting a membership to a comedy club. Its too bad though since I think I'd be happy with a career where my job was to make people laugh. It would be fun so long as I wasn't a clown. I'm glad I didn't get this idea earlier in life or I might have run off, joined the circus, and then I'd look like this.

Voicemail

I feel that 73% of phone messages I leave for others are doomed to be awkward. You say what you need to and then try to wrap it up but somehow it always starts rambling on and on. Its the sensation you get when you think you're having a conversation and realize the other person won't talk back and the conversation is totally one sided. You consider shutting up but then the two of you sitting together in silence and that would be even more uncomfortable so you just keep talking. You continue until you figure out an escape route and then you scramble frantically away. I don't like talking to myself. Some of you may feel like Shakespearean actors reciting your soliloquies but I always feel like that lonely old cat woman who talks to her Mr. Whiskers or inanimate objects around the house.

To try to cope with these unpleasant sensations, I feel like its good to spice up your phone messages. If the message is doomed to be awkward, why not make it intentional. Here are some suggestions for your phone messaging experiences.

-Musical voice mails. Theme music from Batman, Hey Jude, and Bohemian Rhapsody work well but I sometimes improv my own musical creations.

-Have fictitious side conversations with people in the other room. "Just shave your head and dye your scalp purple." "No, I'm meeting Chuck Norris at Rubios, not Chick Filet." "I'll need another flame thrower. Can you throw it in the trunk? Cool."

-Secret Mission phone call. Start it off with some Mission Impossible theme music followed by "This message is set to self destruct in 5.... 4... 3... 2... (hang up or explosion sound effects)"

8 Days

I'm going to Guatemala in 8 days. :D EEEEEEEE!!!!!

Suggestions?

Fact: I don't handle drama well...

So, my current roommate moved from Seattle to AZ for a guy and today she informed about some turns in their relationship and well, its bad... bad to the point I think she should move to another state or city to get away from him. I'm trying to brainstorm people I know who'd be supportive and help provide a good environment for someone like her. She's a convert to the church with a history aka a little rougher around the edges. She doesn't currently have a job and currently isn't in school but has interest in both.

I don't know what to do currently. Do any of you readers have any ideas? If my family lived someplace with a singles ward I would just ask my parents if she could move to my place but Rochester is no place to be young and single (if it was I might not be in AZ). Utah keeps coming to mind since she'd be around more members of the church but I feel like something ought to stand out...

Thoughts? Pray for her and pray for me. Hopefully this'll all be sorted out soon.

Bog of Eternal Stench

My roommate recently made a comment about how my room smells like clean laundry (though it doesn't look that clean) and I realized something. Along with my fear of scorpions, heights, and dying early, I have yet another irrational fear:

Smelling bad.

That may seem kind of anti-climatic. You're thinking back your childhood watching the film "Labyrinth".



You see the Bog of Eternal Stench and think how it sounded kind of ridiculous then. It seems kind of ridiculous now... Until you really think about it that is.

Have you ever been talking to someone and they smell just a little bit off. They don't reek of B.O or anything, just... different. I confess that when someone smells bad I find it REALLY distracting even though I know its a totally superficial way of judging a person. I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't try to be less superficial. I bet its hard making friends but discovering that nobody will stay long in close proximity with you. That's gotta be rough for the person with a Physical Touch love language.

The worst thing about it is that it's socially not acceptable to tell someone, "Dude, you smell weird." I'm pretty straightforward about telling people when their makeup is smudged or their pants aren't zipped but I've never had the guts to confront someone for not smelling good. It seems like it would be offensive if you bought them a new perfume "just because".... Not that that would necessarily help since my kitchen definitely smelt like bleach, brussel sprouts, AND flowers all at the same time this afternoon. Covering up a smell can only help so much.

So this is me, grateful that my home smells like clean laundry.

Half a Heart

Time for INTROVERTED ADVENTURES!!! Tonight's activities included reading, watching the first two episodes of the new Avatar cartoon, strawberries, and poetry writing. This poem was inspired by a recent "I'd wrestle a bear for that sort of love" conversation.

Half a Heart

I don't want half a life.
I won't live in a low fat brownie sort of world.
I can't be satisfied watching it all drift past me on a screen.
I refuse to let my dreams go stale.
The things I want most are created, fought for, hunted down,
Relished with ferociously childish delight.

So please forgive me for not wanting half of your heart.
I need more: all four chambers, bicuspid and tricuspid, layers of cardiac muscle.
I want to catch myself dancing to the beat of your soul,
This organ pounding out a strong, fiery rhythm
A music that entirely belongs to me.

If you can't give me it all then Au Revior
I'll cross deserts to find my true love, sail the seven seas,
Wrestle a bear, brave typhoons, wait decades if needs be
To give him my heart, a whole heart for his.
So don't ever pretend that I'll ever take your half a heart.
I don't want half a life.

Worst Case Scenario

I had a conversation the other day where I was told I was like Doug from the old Nickelodeon tv show.

"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You have a vivid imagination and envision the worst case scenario." He says.

This comment has made me realize... its kind of true.

Not ENTIRELY true. I envision best case scenarios too but more worst case scenarios are more vivid and I think I tend to share them more.

For example I confessed today my fear of scorpions to a group of friends.



I'm afraid once summer sets in that I'll jump into bed without checking beneath the sheets, feel a prick, and wake up with a leg that looks like this.



No... its not likely to happen. That's elephantitis, not a scorpion sting. I probably won't sleep beneath the sheets when its that hot anyways or neglect a sting since I imagine it'd hurt quite a bit. I can get black lights (the bioluminesce, which is pretty cool), ask the neighbors about the likelihood of a scorpion encounter in our area, not leave my shoes outside, I live 5 min from Mayo Clinic Hospital, PLUS, only one type in AZ is lethal... Granted, thats the type that can climb up walls and on your ceiling and such but its just one type...

So this is me chastising myself for irrational, "worst case scenario" trains of thought. If I want to have those sorts of thoughts I need to be playing the board game or reading the book, not brewding over why my isn't some fairytale story... Actually that's probably a good thing or I'd have to worry about poisonous apples, spinning wheels, loosing my voice, etc. in addition to scorpions.