To do list

Dear self,

I have WAY too many things I want to do in the next few months... So, I've decided to write myself a schedule so that all of the excellence that will be Aug/Sept will happen. Y'all ready for this?!? ::insert theme music here::

Must Do Aug
New Laptop
New Ipod that'll actually play in my car.
Half Marathon
Education Week
Musical Review

Must Do Sept
Scuba course
See Broadway's Tarzan
Go camping again, someplace epic
Visit Maren/Mailee/Amanda (when she gets back)

Yet to decide on
Get me a piano
Sky diving again?
See Wicked
Read a bajillion books

Sometimes I hate my emotions.

I hate the empty hopelessness, the frustration, the surrender, the wishing they could see how we could still work things out.
I loath the sour flavor of jealousy, the inadequacy, the rash impulsive heat driving you to prove that you are good enough for them.
I despise the ebbing waves of confusion, the loneliness, the dreams that tomorrow will be different yet deep down knowing tomorrow will probably still be the same.

I know I am a daughter of God. I know I can change. I can be a little smarter, a little kinder, a little braver. However, that doesn't stop me from feeling the way I do.

The diagnosis is...

Dx: Motorcycle vs. Deer. Clearly the motorcyclist didn't win. Nobody won. Well, maybe that guy who got to go home and make venison jerky won but who cares about him. The jerky man doesn't really matter....

What does matter is my curiosity about whether they have different variations of this diagnosis. For example Motorcycle vs. Brick wall. Motorcycle vs. Cliffs of insanity. Motorcycle vs. Godzilla. I can just imagine two guys in the ER having this exact conversation.

"Did you see that guy who just came in?"
"Yeah... Clearly a Motorcycle vs. Unicorn."
"I'm sure Dr. Mastersen is going to have a rough night cleaning out all of the sparkles and glitter."
"Yeah. That really is too bad. My mother complains about my motorcycle. Says its not if you get hit but when."
"Yeah, well, I gotta take care of another trauma. Stroller vs. Rabid Llama that just came in. Hope you have a good night."
"You too."

UPDATE!!!
So I just finished talking to Christy and she informs me that at some point she saw Dx: Lightning Strike to helmet. You would have such a hard time convincing people you survived that one. "I got that scar on my face when I was struck by lightning while riding my Harley." I wish I was that intense... Wouldn't want to deal with the injury but no denying you'd have to be hard core to survive that one.

Bucket list and books

I'm SOOOO excited about Pioneer Day weekend. I'll be checking off not one but TWO (-ish) bucket list items.
1. Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City
2. Going to the St. George Temple (part of my see all the temples in UT goal)
3. Camping in the Grand Canyon (at Havasupai)

So as of late I've discovered Goodreads.com. Can I just say I love books. The smell, the feel of the pages as you flip through a volume, the way the words just roll off the pages and come to life... well, in good books anyways. I've decided that I'm moderately bookish and that's a VERY good thing.

Well, back to work with me... I'm almost at the halfway mark and almost at a point where I should start worrying about all the things I haven't been doing. : P

Monestary

I had a date on Thursday. I had a date today. Tomorrow I have two men coming with me to a monastery. I've decided that maybe they can leave me there and I can become the first Mormon nun.

For one thing, I'm sick of dating since don't know what I want anymore... well, I do... but nobody who'll ask me out. I've basically concluded that the ones who have been asking me out aren't ones I'd pick out of a crowd and say "I choose you!" I don't want to ever feel I'm dating someone "just because he was the best out of the guys that were bothering to ask me out."

Second thing, they keep invading my personal space. I'm going to start getting annoyed if they keep at it. It makes me feel like a trophy date when they seem interested in my money, my academics or talents, and not who I really am. It makes me feel even worse when they move in close and I know they don't know the real me or aren't even interested in finding out the real me since I fit the "trophy date" criteria. Hormones make men stupid.

Finally, I heard a rumor about a flying nun and I could totally dig the idea of me flying around in a black and white habit. It'd be sweet.

We'll see how Pres. Monson feels about things and I guess we'll see where things go from there. Peace out....

High School Crush

I had a conversation with Deseret today that brought back some old memories. We were talking about her summer job and she mentioned that one of my old high school crushes worked there too.

From a superficial standpoint he had a lot going from him. He was a swimmer and definitely had the build. He has a beautiful smile. When he talks, it sounds like he could swallow an orange. I guess from a less superficial view we did have a lot in common as far as interests go. Regardless, I was smitten.

We didn't see a whole lot of each other. My heart would flutter thinking about Saturday afternoons at about 10:45am (ish). I'd stand there with my Oreos anxious for him to approach. He'd talk about the cello and music, about his family, about school in a delightfully science nerdy sort of way...

One time he took me to a concert. I was in a sort of euphoria, even though we did get lost in Minneapolis/St. Paul. It was a month before the start of summer and my departure for my first semester at BYU. Shortly afterwards he wrote me a note saying he should have dated me instead of another girl... Needless to say, I was frustrated that by a twist of fate this all had happened less than a month before I'd go home...

Looking at things now, I know it would have never worked. However, the naustalgic side of me wonders what things would have been like if they'd been different.... Meh, oh well....