Change

I love and hate this time of year. It reeks of change. New faces to fill the vacancies that old faces left behind. Students trying to piece their schedules together like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Everyone making new resolutions: I will get straight A's, I will work out at 4am every morning, I will date that guy/girl of my dreams... It seems appropriate that this all happens around the start of fall. The trees, full of pent up summer energy, mimic the world's people, bursting into vibrant new colors in a last hurrah before the bitter cold and routine settles in.

Despite the changes happening around me, my life, for the most part, doesn't feel too particularly changed. I'm still working graveyard shift in the lab. I'm still running, swimming, hiking, dancing, reading, singing, frisbee, sleeping weird hours, eating things that aren't "meal time" appropriate. Busy, but for the most part, still routine. I've been trying to get into the whole change thing. I'm getting a new haircut tomorrow. I'm trying to get to know my new roommates who seem pretty cool. I'm planning on taking a scuba class, maybe a pottery class, maybe take up Jujitsu... However, I still can't shake the feeling that I'm stuck in a rut.

Sometimes I feel like I've been left behind in the rush of things. I've lost count of the number of roommates I've had who are married with kids. So many of my friends have moved away to do great things and make a difference in the world. Its not that I won't get married and that I'm not doing great things here in Provo... I guess I always thought things would be different then this.

Staying Awake

I thought I'd go along with a conversation I had with one of my good guy friends about "the pre-dating list" guys apparently keep. I'm taking poetic liberties since I'm going on 4 hours of sleep. If you are seriously looking at what I'm looking for in a man, you can check my entry May 2. More realistic, yes, not as much fun as a list like this will be.

1. I want a man with a mind like a diamond... 10 bonus points if after reading this he gets the song by cake stuck in his head. He loses those points if he says I want a man with a short skirt and a loooooonng jacket. That'd be weird.

2. He wrestles bears in the mountains. Mountain lions get you half credit.

3. Fluent in the languages of all the woodland creatures. Disney has made it clear this is critical when seeking a potential "Prince Charming". 30 bonus points if he's fluent in whale and demonstrates for me.

4. Tall, dark, and handsome. Tall should be obvious since its my only hope of having progeny reach great heights. Dark, like my favorite chocolate. Handsome, well, I wouldn't holler if he were as handsome as anything.

5. Serenades to me as I sit on the balcony of my apartment. Awesomeness ^10 if he makes it into a barbershop quartet dealio.

6. Picks wild flowers for me. I've always preferred wild flowers.

7. Will lasso the moon for me. Then I can swallow it and have moon beams shoot out from my finger tips. 10 bonus points if he tells me about his plan imitating Jimmy Stewart.

8. Willing to listen to me talk about blood for long stretches of time. This is critical since I'm a vampire and am consequently obsessed with blood.

9. Isn't a vampire or a werewolf. 50 points if he makes fun of Twilight.

10. Nerdy, bookish, and churchy. All three are REALLY attractive.

11. Poetic. 50 bonus points if he were to write a poem for me. 100 bonus points for a dramatic recitation of said poem for me.

12. Has skills. You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

13. Culinary genius. The way to a girl's heart is through her stomach. 10 bonus points every time he feeds me something delicious that he's bothered to make himself.

14. Knows the correct answer to the question "Pirates v. Ninjas".

15. Facilitates adventure. In the chemical equation of Jill + Life -> Adventure + Awesomeness he should be a catalyst. A relationship should always have good chemistry.

16. Even lets me have the remote control. Then I can turn it off the TV so we can do something else. 100 points if that something else is Frisbee.

17. Dances. He doesn't have to swing dance although that would earn him 100 points in my books. I think I'd be fine so long as he does more than just the deacon shuffle (which we all know can make a girl sea sick).

18. Comfortable shoulders. How am I supposed to take a cat nap on his shoulder if its bony/lumpy/etc? In the case of him being really tall, having a comfortable biceps/triceps is an acceptable alternative.

19. Fills my life with magic. An additional 20 points if he knows the technicalities of the game quidditch.

20. Twirly hugs. Twirly hugs are a must!

21. Won't frown at me for only getting this far and then needing to get back to work...

All sorts of awkward potential

You think your life has its potentially awkward moments? Well, see if you can top my top four for the week.

1. Dancing last night there was Mr. "Invade your personal space". I'm fine with some guys dancing close to me, especially if I know them well and it fits with the song choice (blues dancing for example). This guy, however, just invaded my space and it didn't really go with the song. Tried some tactics but it took a while before he realized that I didn't want him that close....

2. My ex-boyfriend started dating my roommate. I've been giving her advice and even went with her to his families house for dinner as moral support. I guess I love them both (well, him in a "just friends" sort of way) so it really isn't bothering me but there have been a few moments when I've gone "uhh... yeah, weird".

3. My guyfriend introduced me to the "Awkward Hug". It involves a hug where you lean in and breath a long breath onto the other person's neck. Wasn't expecting it... I've beat him in an awkward contest before but he might have had a chance if he had pulled that one on me...

4. I got this package on my front door. Think it might be small for my dance shoes... No, its a bag of "fake blood" and a note trying to ask me out. I find it interesting that my thoughts are "low crit, hemolyzed, where in the devil is this coming from."

All is well

I'm at a moment of inner peace. Maybe its because I just finished an awesome game of night frisbee. Maybe its because I'm typing on my super cool new computer. Maybe its because I just treated myself to another creamy.

There have been a lot of things on my mind as of late: My grandma's surgery, my ambiguous dating life, people moving, an overly busy schedule, feelings and emotions that leave me feeling very.... female. I'd been feeling a lot of in inner turmoil until a few hours ago. I had a conversation that I thought would be unpleasant and frustrating. However, as I talked I realized that I just needed to decide to stop worrying.

God is in charge. Things will turn out all right in the end. Someday things will make sense. I'll eventually move on from this phase of life and get to face a whole new set of problems. In the mean time, I need to stop being so restless and impulsive and take things as they come. Enjoy the ride. Life is good.