Dying

So yesterday I was the sickest I've been in a VERY long time. How sick you say?

I went to the temple with Gabi yesterday. We used to go together every week and I was really excited to be going with her again that afternoon. I was a little "meh" but that's normal when I wake up before noon during my week on. So we drove up to the temple for the 12pm session.

Half way through the session I could tell something was up. I was still feeling "meh"ish but it wasn't just me being tired. I remembered my breakfast of a granola bar and a Milky Way bar and how half way through the Milky Way I lost my appetite. I suddenly realized I probably had caught something from my roommates. Holly in particular had been vomiting all night. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat and prayed I wouldn't puke in the middle of the session.

Well, I made it to the Celestial room and proceeded to walk out just as fast as I walked in. I could feel it. I was going to barf. The entire contents of my stomach would be all over my temple clothes, the Celestial room, or both if I didn't find a restroom quick. I didn't make it to a restroom. However, I did find a drinking fountain. I felt relieved I didn't get vomit on the temple carpets, my temple clothes, or have to dash out in the middle of the session. I say its one of the Lord's tender mercies.

Yesterday I tossed and turned and barfed until 4am. I even called in sick from work which I don't think I'd ever have considered doing if I hadn't puked up everything I'd eaten earlier that night at 7pm. Yuck, yuck, yuck...

On a happier note, the ward activity (Mocktail/Open Mic Night) tonight seemed to go well. My calling often makes me feel frustrated, particularly the fact that I've never had more than 3 committee members at a single activity at the same time. I've been really pushing to try to get things functional but since I was out of town last weekend, I was paranoid that things were going to flop. Fortunately, people showed up, the drinks were tasty, the music was good, and things seemed to go okay.

One of my favorite parts of the night was when Megan told a story (she's in a story telling class right now), about the Bremen Musicians. My grandparents are German and lived in Bremen part of their lives. I've grown up on the story. At multiple points during the tale, Megan paused and went "I'm not sure this is a very good children's story..." (Comparable to some of the original Grim's fairytales). I guess this is one of the many reasons I'm as messed up as I am, eh?

So there was that story I wanted to write. Here is my attempts to formulate the general idea... once I get that written down it'll be easier to create characters that are credible.

All of us want to feel loved. Its one of the universal needs that all of us search for, crave for our entire lives. But what if every time you realized you truly loved someone, tragedy struck and they, for some reason or another, would leave you in exactly 1 year. A new flame. A new career opportunity. Amnesia. Car accident. Insanity. ETC. Would you go for the "Better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all." approach or would you want to spare everyone the agony altogether?

That's the overall concept.

The main character will be at a point in her life where she is "done with love". She pushes people away, converts to a hermetic lifestyle to avoid hurting the people she would assuredly care about, and tries to keep herself occupied with things like music, nature, work, etc. The plot develops as she meets a guy who insists on getting to know her better (for some reason or another... I'll figure that out later). As their relationship grows, she realizes she is falling in love and despite all her attempts to sabotage things, things keep moving forward. At some point she decides that she should stop fighting things. Its too late. She loves him. His fate is doomed. She might as well embrace things and make it last.

I don't know when it would be appropriate to throw in the plot twist... At some point we learn that he has cancer (or something else... terminally ill). Things were going to be terminal well before they met each other. Somehow, he has managed to live months past his "death date". The doctors can't understand why. He dies a year and a day past the "I love you" moment. As it turns their love sustained his life rather than diminished it.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I clearly have a lot to work on if things will ever go anywhere. It'll take a lot of work to keep things from getting depressing if people are dying so frequently. I'll have to try to make it humorous enough and move through the depressing stuff in such a way that you have time to dwell on it but it doesn't become the focus of the writing. The overall message is that love is a gift that makes life beautiful and worth living. Fear of heartbreak, death, etc. keeps us from truly living and truly loving. We should seize the day and take advantage of what little time we have.... I was going to wrap that up better but...

Speaking of a lack of time, the morning run has started. Back to work with me!!