I struggle making decisions. I struggle trying to decide if I really like a guy. I struggle trying to decide how to juggle my social calendar. Heck, I have a hard enough time deciding where I want to eat....
So when people are all "Jill, you taking the lead tech position?" I really shuffle uncomfortably because... I'm still not sure I want it. With my laboratory experience, I'm pretty sure they'll offer me the position. I anticipate that at some point I'd get to work fewer weekends and that would be a blessing. I'd learn a ton and my resume would be gilded up like no one's business. The lead tech of the hematology department of the top hospital in the state of AZ? It isn't walking on the moon or anything, but not too shabby.
On the other hand, I would be obligated to pick up a lot more shifts in the mean time, potentially not have a steady schedule, be left to handle the messes, and it will be a LOT more stress. I don't currently need the extra money and my resume is already looking pretty top notch. They are talking about 12 hour shifts and I'd desperately want to work 12 hours shifts and have more time to pursue my passions and interests. I don't know if I could be happy doing a 8hr/5days a week gig. I want to be a temple worker still and I don't know which schedule would better help me do that....
What do you want Jill? I want to live a meaningfully life. I want to change the world. I want to be happy. I want to find love and fill the world with it. I want to be close to God. I want to take a long nap under a hammock in a place that isn't 105F.
So wish me luck and pray for me because I'm not really sure what I want. I've applied for the job and hopefully as I interview the answer will become clear in my mind but for now, I'll just have to trust God is in control of my life and that things will work out...
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