Well, this is my THIRD time trying to make this happen and it has flopped every time....
The first attempt was a few months after I received my endowment. I confronted my bishop about becoming a temple worker. I was really excited and figured that things would be pretty straight forward. Nope. My bishop commented on how I hadn't been endowed for that long. He said I should probably give things more time to settle before becoming a temple worker. I had given him the heads up that I had free time though. I suddenly got called to be the activities committee cochair.
After I got released, I thought about the idea again. About that time I got an answer to my prayer of "Should I stick around Provo?" I was inspired to make plans to move and those plans fell into place. I decided it should probably wait until I was settled in Arizona. From there I could try again.
So I finally get down to Arizona only to discover that my work schedule wasn't compatible with me doing a temple worker shift. The shifts are weekly for about 3-4ish hours long and I needed to be at work by 9am (too far away, ruining chances of a early shift) until 730pm (ruining a chance at a late shift). With my schedule jumping around there was no way I could make it work.
So I waited. About a year later, things worked out and I landed an early shift. I was excited to attempt this one more time. I waited until my travel plans had simmered down and then I approached my bishop.
He didn't give me a new calling (sigh of relief). He said he'd contact the stake presidency. Of course, things didn't go through to the stake presidency smoothly either. It took another couple of months for my Bishop to get me the information I needed to get things in the stake rolling.
Then things looked promising. At the start of this week I was excited. I had gotten a text from someone from the stake presidency for an interview and it finally seemed like things would happen now.
Then, I found out this week that my coworker quit her job. We were already short staffed, but this is basically a death sentence to a care free summer. I have semi-seniority, but not enough to get out of having to do gobs of overtime (more money but meh, I'd rather have my summer). This, of course, will make it difficult to have 4ish hours extra time on a consistent day of the week to be a temple worker.
I guess I'll still meet with the stake presidency. I'll keep faith that something might work out while acknowledging that it may just be God's will that this isn't supposed to happen right now (again). I just feel frustrated about this turn of events.
It feels like the universe is giving me signs and I don't know if its just Satan trying to be a pain in the butt or if God thinks I'm not ready for this... Or that I'm being an overly analytical girl and that I need to have faith that things will work out when they work out and that it simply isn't time yet.
This isn't the only thing in my life that feels just out of my reach. Dating, family relationships, life plans.... Every time I reach a little harder I feel like I've almost got it. Its at my finger tips but just when I think I've grasped it, everything slips through my fingers. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I not struggling hard enough? Do I need to take a leap into the unknown and rely that God will help me, possibly bless me with something better if I just move forward? Does God expect me to be more patient, to trust that He'll make everything work if I quietly do what I can in the situation I'm in?
I don't expect any answers right now. I need to focus on what I do have and do know and just move forward. Its just a mess though. My life is a junk drawer that I'm trying to clean out. I'm poking at things going "I don't know where to begin", "Where is this even from?". I guess a girl has to start somewhere... :P
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