This: http://jillschuler.blogspot.com/2011/12/life-is-ninja.html
Followed by this: http://jillschuler.blogspot.com/2011/12/awkward-time-bomb.html
I don't know if I ever finished the story... I don't think so. Its been two years. Its probably safe to finish it.
Little did I know, the time bomb would detonate early. Much much earlier than I expected. There was no time to run for cover when the "other guy" and I had a REALLY awkward conversation on the drive to the dance that started "So, I read your blog, and its totally alright if you dance with other people."..... Because that won't really make me feel genuinely awkward, to feel understood by a man who I barely knew. PAUSE: I don't want someone to feel awkward if they are that guy checking me on facebook who goes "Oh, she has a blog"! If you are hoping to get to know me and are reading this right now, it is in the public domain, feel free to keep reading. Just don't tell me about it until I can get to know you in person.
Since I learned from the lesson of December 2011, I won't be disclosing my full situation here for the world to see, but it currently has left me feeling a bit like Prometheus.
He wants to do the right thing, sharing what access he has to warmth and light to help those who are struggling, people who he cares about. In return, he is chained to a rock, doomed to have an eagle eats out his heart forever (well, liver, but I'm going to use heart since it translates more applicably to modern days this way. The emotional/ biological center of the Greeks was the liver). Feeling raw and alone, he traces the gaping hole where his heart once raced. Wasn't it just yesterday that he had been in the same situation? His heart will grow back, beat strong and proud. For now, though, he feels empty.
Understand my situation is a little less extreme. It wasn't my full heart, just a flicker of hope, anticipation, a sense of excitement; I could feel the faintest beats growing in my chest. Regardless, things came to a dead halt rather abruptly and now my life demands I play an Elinor Dashwood.
Things may work out unexpectedly. Maybe I am jumping to conclusions as things have taken an unexpected turn. Time alone will unfold how all involved parties truly feel. How bland our journeys to love might seem if a girl didn't find herself crossed in love every now and then. I guess I must trust that my heart will forever have the power to regrow and that someday, things will work out. Of that I have every confidence.
In a murderous time the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn. I am looking for the trail. -Stanley Kunitz
I feel the tale of Prometheus deserves an appropriate ending. Someday a Phoenix will swoop down on the Eagle midflight, and return to Prometheus a new heart, one infused with a brilliant fire. Prometheus will have the power to melt his chains, fly with the Phoenix off into the sunset and the two will blaze across the sky. Huddled around their fires, men will gaze up at what appears to be a shooting star and forever keep on wishing.
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