Adventure Log: Infertility Irony

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Infertility Irony

I worked 18 hours in the last 25 hours. I'm pretty epic like that.

While covering a shift this afternoon I got one of my least favorite tests: Semen Analysis for Infertility. We never receive these during graveyard shift but I unfortunately got stuck running 2 today. Ironically, the first didn't come in a sterile cup like semen tests usually do.

Specimen Processing places a small glass jar on the urinalysis counter. I pick it up and notice a "Gerber" label. Can someone please tell me an infertility test is being sent to me in a baby food jar? Usually people getting a test for infertility don't have to feed their baby. Maybe I'm missing something....

1 comment:

The Pyper FamiliaMay 27, 2011 at 11:46 AM
That's quite funny really!
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Before My Bucket is Kicked

1. Marry the most attractive man in the world for time and all eternity.

2. Have the most fantastic kids ever (accomplish after item 1).

3. ~~Learn German and go to Germany on a Family History Adventure (don’t speak fluently but enough to survive).~~

4. Buy a “fixer upper” house and renovate it so it is “our/my” house.

5. Save someone’s life (~~physically~~ and spiritually).

6. Become a temple worker (talked to Bishop so… it should happen sometime 2014).

7. ~~Go to a Renaissance Fair and watch a jousting match while eating a leg of mutton.~~

8. Witness a total solar eclipse ~~(annual solar eclipse).~~

9. Learn to ride a horse so I can ride said horse into the sunset (Galloping horse on the beach.. ½ credit).

10. Learn archery and shoot a bull’s eye.

11. Go waterskiing.

12. Go sailing (any boat would be good but a full blown pirate style barge would be ideal).

13. Go to Hawaii (accomplish 13-17).

14. Learn to surf (mastered it indoors so now I’m ready for the ocean).

~~15.~~ ~~Hike a volcano~~ (maybe see some lava).

16. Swim with the dolphins.

17. Go to a legitimate luau with a pig and a spit, the dancing, the grilled pineapple, etc.

18. Ride in a hot air balloon.

19. Learn how to fly a helicopter (or at least ride in one).

~~20.~~ ~~Go white water rafting.~~

21. Take a pottery class.

22. Learn how to navigate using the stars, or at least be able to identify the major constellations.

23. Learn how to perform enough magic tricks to perform a magic show.

24. Learn how to juggle (Have the juggling balls. Just need to practice).

~~25.~~ ~~Learn how to paint with oil paints and do a portrait of someone.~~

~~26.~~ ~~Learn origami (cranes in particular, those little jumping frogs, and something else…)~~

27. Join a Big Sister’s program.

28. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

29. Write and publish a children’s book (have an idea… just need to write it).

30. Learn car maintenance (maybe take a shop class… more than just changing the oil and tires… I can do those at least).

31. Go to culinary school. (At least master Grandpa’s best recipes).

32. Become informed, politically, with the news, etc. (Started listening more regularly to NPR but I’d like to read some books, figure out some additional strategies)

33. Grow a Bonsai tree.

34. Learn how to earn money in the stock market, about finances in general.

35. Become the master of myself in awkward situations (look people in the eye and don’t laugh uncomfortably.)

36. Figure out how to discern when someone is lying or hiding something from you. (Microexpressions class?...)

~~37.~~ ~~Learn how to speed read.~~

38. Go to a rodeo (dressed for the occasion with the boots and hat).

39. Own an island.

40. Go on a safari (again, dressed for the occasion).

41. Ride a dog sled.

42. Learn the basics of tree and bird identification.

43. See the Olympics live.

44. Break a Guinness World Record.

45. Name a star.

46. Build a tree fort.

~~47.~~ ~~Go spelunking.~~

48. Learn how to drive manual (I’ve had a few lessons ½ credit).

49. Learn how to do a Rubik’s cube and finish it in less than a minute (I can sort of do one but not less than a minute yet…).

50. Do 100 pushups consecutively (there’s a training website).

51. Perfect the art of candy making, particularly chocolates (oreo bonbons are the only thing I’ve mastered so far).

52. Stay a night at the ice hotel in Sweden.

~~53.~~ ~~See a film festival.~~

~~54.~~ ~~Send a message in a bottle out to sea. (Maybe when Deseret visits me this spring)~~

55. Go to the world’s largest food fight in Tomatina

~~56.~~ ~~Take a bicycle tour somewhere (Tuscon November 2013)~~

57. Learn Morse code.

~~58.~~ ~~Summit Half Dome.~~

~~59.~~ ~~Ride an elephant.~~

60. Plant an orchard and win an award using fruit grown in said orchard (like award winning apple pie or peach preserves).

61. Figure out how to do a head stand or hand stand.

62. Go to New Zealand to see the set of Lord of the Rings.

~~63.~~ Scuba at the Great Barrier Reef ~~(Snorkeled at the world’s second largest reef. ½ credit).~~

64. Learn how to ice sculpt.

65. Serve a mission.

66. Learn how to whittle a stick, maybe an instrument?

67. Learn how to play all the hymns in the hymnal.

68. Build an igloo and sleep in it.

69. Spend a year in a foreign country.

~~70.~~ ~~Go to all of the temples in Utah~~

71. Blow glass or make a stained glass window.

72. Ride a camel across the desert.

73. Experience zero gravity.

74. Moon walk on the moon.

75. Figure out how to use a pogo stick.

76. Master the fine art of doing a cartwheel.

77. See the aurora borealis (during a solar flare?).

~~78.~~ ~~Zip line tour in New Zealand (or Guatemala. They also have a good one).~~

79. Learn how to rock climb/boulder (well, more than just the basics~~… get a membership to a rock climbing gym~~ or something…).

80. Kiss in the rain. I hear it’s magical.

81. See the Hill Cumorah and Manti Pageants.

82. See the pyramids in Egypt.

83. Go to Jerusalem.

84. Fly in a squirrel suit.

85. See Wicked.

86. Play Quidditch.

87. Learn the Napoleon Dynamite Dance… and Thriller.

88. Yodel from the top of the Eiffel Tower. (or maybe just blow bubbles)

89. Have a bird land on my finger, like unto a Disney Princess.

90. Master the art of photography (as in learn all the different features on cameras, space, color…)

~~91.~~ ~~Dirty Dash, followed by mud wrestling.~~

92. Snowboard down a double black diamond.

93. Raise a chicken until its old enough to lay eggs and make an omelet from said eggs.

94. Weave a basket underwater.

95. Take an interior design class.

96. Win a Jack and Jill Competition with a boy named Jack.

~~97.~~ ~~Make a giant piñata and have a piñata party (someone else’s party?... close enough).~~

98. Choreograph a light saber duel and have a staged battle in a public place.

99. Watch someone give birth.

~~100.~~ ~~Service Vacation~~ (at some point do it with the love of my life and our kids).

101. Learn how to ride a unicycle.

102. Go hiking with llamas.

103. Get a concealed weapons permit.

104. Go kite surfing.

105. Crowd surf.

~~106.~~ ~~Ride a tandem bike.~~

107. Swim with bioluminescent plankton.

108. Visit the Sedlec Ossuary, aka Church made out of bones, Czech Republic.

~~109.~~ ~~Write “Thank You” notes to my elementary school teachers.~~

110. Attend Loy Krathong Festival of lanterns in Thailand.

111. Go blob jumping.

112. Ride a mattress down a stair case.

113. Make a crop circle.

114. Float in the Dead Sea.

115. Have an ice cream flavor named after me.

116. Be an extra in a movie (not a home video but a full-fledged film people I don’t know actually watch).

117. Ride a Segway.

118. Build a HUGE Lego something… Maybe a pirate ship or something…

119. Stand on the equator.

120. Travel to all 50 states (I’ve been to quite a few… I need to actually make a list).

121. Milk a cow.

122. Pay for a stranger’s groceries.

123. See Cirque de Soleil.

~~124.~~ ~~Ride a Mechanical Bull.~~

125. Go to a legitimate spa for a day.

126. Learn how to do a pressure point message.

127. Re-master the art of baking delicious yet nutritious bread.

128. Collect recipe book of “recipes people always ask you for”.

129. Go to “Chick-Fil-A” dressed like a cow to get free food.

130. Attend the World Cup.

131. Go zorbing.

132. See the rainforest.

133. Go to an airport with no preconceived idea of where I’m going and take a trip.

134. Go to the Parasite Museum in Japan.

135. Drive a Semi Truck.

136. Write 100 letters to people you haven’t met yet.

~~137.~~ ~~Watch Fireproof~~ and take a love dare.

138. Have visible abs.

~~139.~~ Have a pet monkey ~~(held a monkey).~~

140. Witness the butterfly migration in Monterey, CA.

141. Make your own perfume.

142. Watch a spider spin a web.

143. Help a homeless person find a permanent home.

144. Find my doppleganger (apparently I have two… still have yet to meet either though).

145. Learn Parqour.

146. Dumpster Dive.

147. See the statues at Easter Island.

~~148.~~ ~~Drive on the autoban (I wasn’t at the wheel but being the car and experiencing it was enough).~~

~~149.~~ ~~Learn to play the ukulele.~~

150. Go to the City Museum of St. Louis.

~~151.~~ ~~Go parasailing.~~

152. Be able to watch an entire foreign film and understand the bulk of the dialogue.

153. Watch a space shuttle launch.

154. Visit Stonehenge.

155. See Machu Pichu.

156. Make my own cheese from scratch.

~~157.~~ ~~Tour a chocolate factory (winning a lifetime supply of chocolate would be nice too).~~

158. Go to a drive in movie theater.

159. Ride in a submarine.

160. Participate in a protest.

161. Hang gliding.

162. Invent a board game.

163. Ride a gondala in Venice.

164. Hike the Appalachian trail.

165. Learn how to skate board.

166. Go deep sea fishing.

167. Participate in a lobster hunt.

168. Go snowmobiling.

169. Visit the Seattle Space Needle.

170. Attend a Ted Talks seminar.

171. Attend the Cherry Blossom Festival (in either DC or Japan... maybe both).